


Almost

by permitwinter



Series: weather [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4823534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/permitwinter/pseuds/permitwinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Shizu-chan?"</p>
<p>The question is almost innocent and thick with not tension but tangible serendipity, and Shizuo hates its serenity. The question asks so much more than Shizuo can provide answers for.</p>
<p>He squeezes Izaya's hand slightly and softly and it's a heartless gesture, but Izaya can't see that anymore anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

Izaya is playing the piano. His fingers are deft and they look frail and thin as they touch the black and white keys, rather caressing than really pressing –and if then as one would press a flower; carefully and cautiously and precisely-. Izaya is playing the piano and the sounds are cold and harsh and sharp. It's piercing Shizuo's ears, hurting and straining his tympana and yet –or maybe so- he can't stop his eyes from leaking those tears. He doesn't want to look at Izaya, can't stand it no more than listening to those sorrowful sounds –because he knows it's a luxury, it's a privilege, and it's his only- for Izaya is blind and deaf and cannot.

 

It's his fault, of course it is; any harms that becomes Izaya, any injury, it's caused by none other than Heiwajima Shizuo.

 

Izaya is like a bird; free and flying high. Shizuo plucked his feathers one by one, enjoying how the small creature squirmed and twitched and sang cries still beautiful and serene even though he was overcome with pain and panic.

 

Izaya was like a bird.

 

Shizuo only caught him because Izaya allowed himself to be caught. Perhaps he was tired of flying; in need to stretch his wings. He wouldn't be able to do so anymore now.

 

Izaya is playing the piano and Shizuo can't stand how muscle memory allows him to play the piece of art perfectly, so he grabs those thin shoulders and it takes next to no effort or energy to lift Izaya up and carry him away.

 

"Shizu-chan?"

 

(The question is almost innocent and thick with not tension but tangible serendipity, and Shizuo hates its serenity. The question asks so much more than Shizuo can provide answers for.

Why did you stop me?

Where are you taking me?

Why did you blind me?

Why did you hurt me so much?

Why didn't you stop when I said it was enough?

Why didn't you stop when I begged you to?)

 

Shizuo squeezes Izaya's hand slightly and softly and it's a heartless gesture, but Izaya can't see that anymore anyway.

 

"I still love you, Izaya. It'll never end, it'll never stop. I'll love you, always and ever."

 

And he knows Izaya can't hear him and it's because Izaya can't hear him that he talks to him. He doesn't deserve love or a listening ear any more than Izaya deserves his dead ones.

 

comptine d'un autre été

rhyme of another summer

 

Shinra won't leave them alone.

 

"When was the last time he ate? When was the last time Izaya ate? You ought to take care of him now he can't take care of himself anymore, and I know it's a lot to ask from you, and I know it's too much, but there really isn't anyone else. Please, just make sure he has at least three meals a day, and even if he throws up, eating is better than starving in any possible way."

 

The twins just nod. Even Mairu is silent. They both ignore Shizuo, but he understands; these days people tend to neglect his existence and he understands; _he_ did this to Izaya, after all.

 

The three of them go back, because Izaya's apartment is neither his nor their home. They find him in bed, windows drawn and eyes wide open, the colour drained and dried and dead. Perhaps, Shizuo thinks, that's the worst of it all. Not the fact that Izaya is blind, but that he can't look at Shizuo anymore. It's selfish and he hates himself for thinking so, but he can't help it.

 

.

 

Mairu is feeding him, spoon by spoon, carefully and cautiously and precisely while Kururi is holding his hands and drawing those soothing circles Shizuo wished he could draw on his cold and frail and pallid skin.

 

秋

あき

autumn

 

Izaya is lying like a corpse; body cold and pale and unmoving, even though he should be warm -or at least warmer- because he has a smaller, warmer body on each of his sides. The siblings sleep like this every night and Shizuo can only stand by and watch –how creepy that may be, it's oddly satisfying- even though that very action hurts his heart and rips his lungs; he's jealous, he's so jealous because why can't he lie down with Izaya anymore? He knows he's supposed to be careful and he promised he would so why won't they let him? He regrets what he's done, really,  and he knows it's unforgivable but he's really sorry. He knows he can't give Izaya back what he's lost, which is precisely why he wants to give him everything he has, which so happened to be only one thing; his limitless love.

 

.

 

Namie comes by every now and then. She's jealous too, but of the bond the Oriharas share rather than because she cannot be part of their little circle, or should he say triangle? She also respects the twins, comes to pay them, because she knows what it's like to love a brother and she knows they do, even if they never showed it before. She also knows Izaya is as good as dead, or would rather be so.

 

.

 

It's when Kasuka visits when Shizuo gets really cold and he actually hides away. The twins won't acknowledge him, which favours him this once.

 

Izaya touches his face; it's how he recognises people the best. He also touches hands and wrists, but faces are the easiest to remember. It's when his finger trails Kasuka's jaw that he asks.

 

"Shizu-chan?"

 

And just like that everyone but Izaya himself freezes. Shizuo is petrified; terrified of what his brother will say, how he will respond, if he will deny Shizuo's existence as well.

 

Kasuka says, "I'm sorry." and he holds Izaya's hands in his own.

 

Kururi mutters something unintelligible as she draws those circles again.

 

It's Mairu who tells him: "Heiwajima Shizuo is dead." She's looking straight through him but the message isn't lost and

 

Shizuo supposes he very well could be.

 

冬

ふゆ

winter


End file.
